scissors and spackle

Isn't it brilliant when you find out about a thing before anyone else? A movie, a band, a book? When you get to be the smug bastard saying, "Yeah, of course I was there right at the start, just me, three men and a dog"? You're not one of these Johnny-come-latelys, that's for damn sure! You're a trendsetter, a trailblazer! A gosh-darned pioneer! And that's exactly why, in 2 days time, on September 23rd, you need to be here:

scissors and spackle 

for the inaugural issue (Equinox 01) of supercool new litmag scissors and spackle. I speak as one totally unbiased, of course. It's not as if my 2000-word story YOU NEED TO DO A BETTER JOB is being published in it or anything. Nope. No sir. I'm just a concerned citizen who wants to make sure you get your daily serving of hot, fresh, quality literature.

And - bonus! - if you're in the States (and, via the magic of Paypal, even if you're not), you get to buy the shiny new print edition too! Lit-bonanza! Just click here:

BUY ME BUY ME BUY ME!!!!

or, if you are lucky enough to be a Portlandian, visit lovely Powell's, home of bookish awesomeness. Om nom nom.

Structo #6

I'm a little late... but Structo #6, with my story The Squid Killer, is out and available to buy online. My brother and I made a pilgrimage to Rough Trade East to buy a copy, but alas! They had sold out (to my ego's eternal disappointment at seeing my work in print in an actual and real shop, and a bloody good one at that). There's a lesson about punctuality in there somewhere. Maybe I'll look for it tomorrow.

The magazine, however, is excellent. And I would with great and booming voice encourage you to seek it out, wherever you may. And massive, massive thanks to editor Euan Monaghan, who worked so patiently with me through the editing process, and who saw the vision I had for the story and gave me the encouragement and guidance I needed to bring it out. It was truly a great and instructive experience for me.


Clicky clicky for the linky

An impeccable, Orwell-themed Issue 13

of > kill author. 

Issue 13

Featuring me.

Me

And my recording. And a great layout. And some awesomely perfect artwork.

I could not imagine my work presented any better than this.

Thank you, all at > kill author. You did an amazing job.

So, I did the recording for kill author.

I didn't know it was possible to get such adrenaliney nerves about reading something in the privacy of your own room.

Take 1 was a cracklefest and I spent quite some time trying to pretend I was a logical, technical-minded being who knew how to fix it, when in reality I felt like that part in Zoolander where Owen Wilson is hitting the computer with a rock to try to get to the files inside. Turns out all I had to do was switch my laptop to battery power and the sound quality was perfect. Sometimes there is a technical solution so simple that even I can understand it. I just wish I didn't have to scythe through an overgrown wasteland of jargon to get there.


Take 2, I was more nervous than Take 1. I think my nerves were shredded beyond repair by all the techno-hoohah. But I read as well as I could. I tried to pause. I tried to breathe. And I tried to think of how the lovely Stephen Fry would do it (yes, I've been listening to the Harry Potter audiobooks again). And when it was done, I listened to it and although there were parts I would've liked to change, I didn't cringe and I didn't feel like those recurring dreams I get where everyone sees me peeing (true story). It was good enough. And in this case, perfectionism be damned; good enough really was good enough. So that was the take I submitted. 


So, it's done. Did I sink the duck? Or did I graze the dog? Stay tuned to find out.

Sneak peek...

... of the cover of Structo #6!

It's almost heeeeere! 

Must find more synonyms to express how super mega hyper excited I am.

> kill author

Good news, everyone!

My story DOGS THE SIZE OF COWS has been accepted for publication in Issue 13 of kill author, which will be going online in early to mid June. I'm very very pleased about this as I am a big fan of the journal.

There is an option to also attach a recording of myself reading the story, but I'm not sure yet whether I will take them up on this - firstly because I don't know if I possess the requisite technology, but more because the thought of it makes me all kinds of squirmy butterfly-nervous. Not as much as, say, reading at an open mic (still working up the courage for that one). Maybe the equivalent of seeing a bunch of cool kids doing really cool stuff (having a dance-off or throwing rocks at ducks) and wanting to join in but being all twisty-tummy scared because you know you'll do something dumb like try to do some elaborate handstand move and miss and crunch your nose into the floor, or miss a duck with your rock but hit a dog and knock it unconscious and everyone's standing around in total silence with their jaws hanging open and your smile is dying on your face and your arm is frozen midair and you want to shout BUT WHY IS IT OKAY TO HIT A DUCK AND NOT A DOG? WHO MAKES THESE RULES? but you're too busy staring hard at a cloud because if only you can do that and not blink, you won't cry. And you can feel your whole body shake from the impact of your window of coolness slamming for good.

Something like that, I guess. 

But who knows. Maybe this time I'll hit that duck. Just sink it right into that pond. Like the coolest kid in town.

Structo update

Release date for Issue 6 of Structo has been confirmed as June 1st, or possibly a few days before, in time for the International Alternative Press Festival.

Did I mention how incredibly excited I am about this?